we're chasing vodka with high fives
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
