Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
