ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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