Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
