I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize