Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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