guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
