U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
