So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
