And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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