Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
