She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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