I'm jealous of your bromance
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I want her autograph on my taint
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
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