I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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