Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize