You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
