that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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