what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
