how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
