I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
