No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize