I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
