You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
