a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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