He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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