No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
