I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
