if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You need Xanax blowdarts
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize