I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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