well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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