your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Even my vagina gasped.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Randomize
