You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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