the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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