so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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