You were right. It hurts to walk today.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
