so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize