I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Randomize
