Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
