i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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