Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
