I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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