i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
