I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
