I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
