Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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