i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
