I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
