My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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