So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
