They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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