Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
