Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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