You can't motorboat a personality
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
