Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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