she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
