i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I supernannyed him into submission
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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