Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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