He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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