Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
