Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
