i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
We are all done wearing pants today
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize