Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
