He is an equal opportunity slut.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
where does the pee come out of this thing
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
