why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
