i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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