I'm really into asian looking animals
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
