drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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