i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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